One Dad's Life

"Form" Madness

Good grief! Does anybody really read all these forms I fill out? This situation gets infinitely worse at the beginning of the school year. You have to fill out SO many forms, that my eyes are getting blurry. 

My theory is that NO ONE reads these forms.  I just know that once turned in, the forms go in a pile marked "OTHERS" - as in "throw it with the others" and nothing else happens with them.  I've actually tested this theory at work, where paperwork is just ridiculous, by filling in random things in all of those blanks. No one has ever called me on it and I started doing this some ten years ago.

It all started with a certain request form at work where we were quite convinced that no one actually read the thing - yet we HAD to have it. So we added "must play the song Camptown Races" to each form.  We never got pinged on that one and eventually pointed it out, because we were tired of it not being noticed and wanted recognition for our cleverness.

School medical forms are the worst, how many times do I have to send the same information to the same place?  Also, why do I have to do the same thing for sports?  Doesn't the school still have the information?  Well, it's probably lost in the "OTHERS" pile.

So next time, for fun, I'm filling in: "Rachel's eyes were replaced with close genetic equivalents from pigs, so don't let her see any mud! I can't be responsible for what happens if she does."

Perhaps under the school shot forms, I'll start filling in shots like "distemper, rabies, feline leukemia, etc."  OR, maybe just replace their entire shot record with the shot record of one of our pets.

Maybe on the Girl Scout health forms for brownies or daisy's I should have listed "allergic to crafts and paste."

I wouldn't doubt it if we even had to fill in similar forms for Rebecca taking violin lessons at school.  Perhaps I should have inserted, "moving her arms to the left sends her into convulsions" and see how they worked around that little problem with the whole bow thing and all.

I have also never understood all the electronic customer service phone systems where you start out by entering your phone number, address, account number or similar information. Without fail, by the time you reach a real live person, they ask for the SAME EXACT INFORMATION!  Why did I enter that in the first place? From now on, I'm initially entering the address and phone number of the White House, and we'll see if I get some better service.

Of course, all of this assumes that someone, some where is actually reading the information you supply.  I don't think they are.

If they were, perhaps on my employment application, I should have listed "can only work in large, quiet offices with a view."  Maybe then I wouldn't have been stuck with "cramped, constantly interrupted and extremely noisy with a view."  At least I got the view part!

Life is good.

I'm Worried About the Kids - Part 5

Naturally, around this time of year in the United States, many people turn their attention towards Halloween.  There is a simple reason for this...Halloween is fun! We certainly have fun the Halloween in our house, as it gives a chance for the children to dress up as the ghouls they really are as all kinds of crazy and creative things.

Usually, we buy some pumpkins and carve them on Halloween evening before going out trick-or-treating and light them up with little tea lights. So it wasn't much of a surprise that my oldest daughter, Rebecca, mentioned that she wanted a pumpkin to carve.

The surprise was that she wanted it so early in the month!

Then things got curious: She also wanted a bottle of spray paint.

???!!!???

Spray paint and pumpkin carving have never gone together in the past, what was going on?

Well, this is what was going on:

It's a Mr. Potato Head Pumpkin! Here's where I would normally gone on and on about how she was just completely nuts (because that is more fitting with the whole "I'm worried about the kids" post idea), but in truth, she had an assignment to "disguise" a pumpkin or gourd as something else.  This was her top choice.  Nice job, don't you think?

Note: No spiders were harmed in the creation of Mr. Potato Head Pumpkin, and as far as I know, no spiders are hiding in the picture behind the giant potato head, in accordance with the current "One Dad's Life" spider policy.

There's Nothing Scary Here!

It would seem that lately a couple of my posts have rather clearly emphasized spiders.  This has upset some of my regular readers who apparently have a morbid fear of the cute little guys.  Oh, I understand where they are coming from - after all, I am the person who had a large spider attempt a landing on my lap while driving!

So, I am going to try my hardest, dear regular reader, to put more focus on the beautiful (like butterflies) and the cute and cuddly (like wittle bitty bunny wabbits).

So, here is how yesterday's post might appear with today's new standards:

Isn't he CUTE!!!???  Our very own, "One Dad's Life" little bunny thumper-looking critter.  No spiders here! Awwwww.

Wordless Wednesday - Spider in the Backyard!

Taken on Saturday, September 27th, 2008.  Nikon D60, 18-55 mm f3.5-5.6 lens. No flash. My yard.

Why Driving in the Rain is so Dangerous

Yesterday morning, there was a bit of a heavy rain going on while I was driving to work.  I didn't think too much of it, as I had left late enough to avoid all the usual morning traffic.  Besides, I'm a big boy now and I know all of the driving in the rain rules:

• Allow more stopping distance
• Don't make sudden changes in direction
• Use your windshield wipers
• Try to stay out of the ditches

See? It's not so bad once you know these basic rules.  So, I set out on my way too long trip to work.  Things were going fine, despite the rain, and I figured my trip time would probably be just about normal...or at least just about normal if I drove the speed limit everyday.  I don't.  It's not that I TRY to speed, but I think my car is just sucked along with the other cars going well over the speed limit. The car doesn't weigh that much - it's like a leaf on the wind! Besides, people drive so fast, it is almost safer to drive at their speed than to be someone going much slower than them on the highway!

Just as I was nearing downtown from the south...around the 55-44 interchange, traffic suddenly stopped.  As it turns out, it stayed like this for quite a way.  Of course, periodically the traffic would lurch forward, lulling you into a false sense of belief that things would be back to normal, soon.  They weren't.

This is where the problems began.  I drive an old car...a '94...and there are admittedly quite a few things that could be, um, better with this car.  For example, once a week I put oil in, and there is a leak in the engine cooling system (getting fixed on Thursday so don't write to me and tell me how bad this is) that requires me to add coolant once or twice a day. There's more, but if I tell you, then I'll start getting hassled about "time to get a new car" which is the last thing I want to spend my money on.  Of course, if someone wants to gift me a new Camaro when they are released, I'll take it.  I'd even consider a Mustang GT for the wife.  Must have manual transmissions.  We have our standards! Just saying.

So, one of the interesting personality quirks my car has is it sometimes forgets to turn on the radiator fan when I'm stopped in traffic for awhile.  This interesting behavior causes the engine temperature to shoot sky high - though the car has never ACTUALLY overheated. After being essentially parked in the traffic for a half-hour today, I glanced down and noticed my temperature gauge all the way up.

Yikes!

A small, but significant warning bell went off in my head. I knew that I needed to get rid of some of that heat, and I was STUCK in traffic (middle lane) with no exits around from which to make my escape from gridlock. So, I turned on the heater, full blast.  Now, an interesting small-car weather phenomenon is that if it is cool and humid outside and you suddenly turn on the heater your windows will instantly fog up.

Which they did....instantly....and completely.  Window shades could not have cut me off from the world more completely. The last thing I saw before I was sealed into my car, completely blind was that the traffic suddenly started to move just fine.  Uh-oh.  While this was good for my soon to overheat engine, it was bad for me since I couldn't see.  I switched the heater to DEFROST knowing that soon the window would heat up and the fogging would go away.  I also reached up to wipe a clear area with my hand in the windshield.

This is when the seemingly gigantic spider dropped from somewhere on the windshield toward my lap. PERFECT!  It was so sudden and so, um, BIG, that it seemed almost like one of those practical joke rubber spiders. (An obvious exaggeration, but I couldn't have been any more shocked).  If you know me at all, you know that I am good under pressure.  Sometimes even brilliant. I did not disappoint in this case, either.  Quickly thinking, I grabbed the little web line the spider was dropping from and flung the spider to my passenger seat and continued to rub a clear patch in the window.  Don't try to do the math on number of hands and stuff.  Unless I somehow instinctively used my feet, legs or teeth to steer, it seems reasonable to conclude that at some point I was not actually steering my car.

For the next mile, until the windshield cleared, I had to divide my attention between the little view port I cleared on the windshield and the monster spider sitting next to me.

THIS is why driving in the rain is so dangerous.

By the way, I tried to keep an eye on the spider the rest of the way to work, but he still somehow wandered off in the car.  I don't know where the spider went, but I've been feeling him crawl on me for the past 24 hours!

My Secret Love Affair

The web, and blogs in general, have become a place for people to confess all kinds of lurid indiscretions and secrets. While I know that this is treading dangerously close to Bri's "Naked Monday" secret revealing posts, I'm convinced that now is the time to let the whole world...including my wife...know about my secret love affair.

I think it is MOST important to get this out of the way, now, because doing so now will give me all the way until the end of the week (Friday is my wedding anniversary), to smooth things over with the wife and hopefully still have a pleasant-as-possible anniversary dinner given the circumstances. (BTW, looking for restaurant suggestions, though I have a few top-shelf ideas already)

The truth is, I've been having a secret love affair for years, now.  I'm sure Dianne suspects, but in the spirit of "truthiness", I've got to just lay it all out there.  The affair was relatively easy to pull off, even though it sometimes happened right under her nose, because my alternate love isn't always in town.

So, deep breath everyone, here it goes. I'm sure those closest to me have probably already guessed who it is:

That's right, I'm somewhat embarrassed to reveal that I am in love with Edy's Seasonal Ice Cream Flavors!

There are two "Girl Scout Cookie" ice cream flavors, "Peppermint" ice cream, and the two big current releases:  "Pumpkin Pie" and "Apple Pie" ice cream.  Oh. My. Gosh!!!  There are even special "American Idol" flavors, though I haven't figured out that connection, since I don't really watch TV (other than COPS and a couple of SciFi shows), so maybe Edy's is a sponsor or something.

From the extra fancy containers to the taste explosions waiting on the inside...they even make me forget (temporarily) about cookie dough flavors, and any variation on "Cherry Chocolate Chunk" (my favorite).

So, now I'm sure I need to comfort my distraught wife and beg my way back into her good graces.  I'm hoping she can understand.  But first, I'm off for a bowl of "Apple Pie" naturally and artificially flavored ice cream.

Life is good!

Photo Friday - Kids and Bugs

This photo Friday, a couple of random shots I liked from the past couple of weeks.

This is a shot of my youngest daughter, Rachel, who loves taking pictures, too.  Here she was taking a picture of me taking her picture.  I decided to try and see if we could make a shot that looks like one of those mirror self-portraits and capture her flash going off.  So, I set my camera on a long exposure, and let HER flash illuminate the scene. Then we counted off to take the picture at the same time...and it worked!  Since a flash only lasts about a ten-thousandth of a second, I really didn't think we'd get it AND a decent exposure at the same time.

Another shot in my long string of close-up bug shots. Still trying to get a great butterfly picture.

This little spider was on my screen door (missing screens...it's on it's way out!) one morning. Used the Nikon SB-600 flash on this one.

 

Finally, just to stop creeping you out with the bugs and stuff, here is another kid shot. This time of my oldest daughter Rebecca (left) who seems to instinctively know how to pose and her friend, "A" at a school dance.  My kids are used to me following them around with a camera and don't seem to think much of it, anymore.  Used the Nikon SB-600 flash, again.  All photos taken with the Nikon D60 camera, 18-55mm 3.5-5.6 kit lens (the lens that came with the body).

Have a great weekend!

What's in YOUR wallet?

No, this is not a Capital One paid post.  In fact, I don't have a capital one card. Actually, I have one credit card and one debit card - both from my bank.  The credit card is there just in case I need emergency plane tickets to.... well, it wouldn't help me at ALL if you knew where my emergency plane tickets were to, or why I might need them, now would it?

In today's world, you can just about get by without cash. In fact, the primary reason I have cash (when I do) is because my nearly teen daughter has a way of popping up at unexpected times like a little blond Jill-in-the-box, demanding emergency cash.  BOO! Sometimes, she scares me just enough that I actually give it to her.  Hence, the cash. Jill-in-the-boxes freak. Me. Out.  In any case, besides the couple of bank cards, the usual drivers license and insurance, and the cash (if my daughter has not popped up recently), my wallet is full of odd things.  So, with thanks to Margaret Mason for the idea, here is a list of odd things you can find in my wallet:

1. McDonald's Monopoly play pieces from about 4 years ago.
2. Multiple "Frequent Buyer Club Cards" from shops I've been to exactly once. (once included a JCPenney "bra and panty club" card. True story)
3. A nickel.
4. A small key to a small lock somewhere.
5. Bank deposit slips that are now completely blank due to the electrostatic ink rubbing off.
6. A two year old Lotto ticket.
7. Ticket stubs from "Wicked" at the Fox Theater, Dec. 28th, 2007.
8. Redbox coupons. (Yeah! Free movies!)
9. Folded over post-it notes with phone numbers...but no names.
10. Temporary membership cards that were supposed to only be around until the real membership cards showed up...and the real membership cards are even expired!

So, what's in YOUR wallet?

Wordless Wednesday - Rocking at Cicero's

I took this shot during the Play:STL / Inter:active  festival that was held in "The Loop" area of Delmar this past weekend.  The performer in the picture is Tiffany Hull and venue is Cicero's.  I really like long exposure, available light pictures...blur and all!

For more photos from this event (at the time of writing this, I only had the Friday shots up) go to my flickr photo stream here and click on the "STL Interactive / Play:STL 2008" photo set.  For more photos from other photographers, go to www.flickr.com and search for "interplay08."

Evidence I Should not be Allowed in Public

As long as I have known myself, which has been a very long time, I have been socially inept.  Amazingly, I seem to insist on foisting myself on new groups of unsuspecting people on a nearly continuous basis. The latest example being the St. Louis Bloggers Guild.  I have actually become pretty involved with them, though I originally thought of many reasons why I should not (ask my beautiful wife and socially adept wife, Dianne).

For the past several months, and in particular this past weekend, I have had a total blast helping to organize and execute the first ever St. Louis Interactive Festival, which was associate with the Play:STL music festival.  I think everything came together pretty smoothly and I'm really looking forward to next year, already.  I met even more local bloggers this weekend and heard some amazing bands, though I was very busy most of the time.  The festival took up all of my Friday and Saturday, and was very tiring, but in a good way!  Of course, Sunday I didn't get any rest as I played in church (also a BLAST - I love when I get to rock on guitar!) then my family had soccer games, rehearsal for this fall's production of "Music Man" (the singing sounded amazing on Sunday already. It's going to be a great show!), and breaking into my own garage so I could cut the grass (the last hurricane's aftermath broke the power line to the garage).

There has also been a steadily increasing pile of paperwork and other "stuff" to do at home. 

So, while it may be understandable that I may have reached my capacity for the weekend and all the stuff to catch-up on, there is no excuse for what happened on Monday.

I woke up to the alarm, and was still exhausted. Not a good way to start the week.  I trudged downstairs to do the final edit on the blog post, and did all the other menial tasks required to prepare for yet another week at work.

Finally, I was on the road.  Still tired, I propped my left arm on the driver's side door in my car, and then propped my head up with my left hand.   That's when I noticed that I had apparently forgotten to shave.

Rats!

Still, there are worse ways to start the day. But wait! I distinctly remembered shaving in the morning before I left, so how could this be?  Slowly, and with great fear, I reached my hand over to the right side of my face.

Naturally, it was clean shaven.

GOOD GRIEF!

I had successfully only shaved one-half of my face! The right side - shaven, the left side - not so much.

Well, this was going to be embarrassing, I thought.  Of course, since I am an engineer and work with a bunch of other engineers, the chances were good that no one would notice.  I promptly forgot all about my shaving mishap.

I forgot, that is, until someone at work said, "What's with your face?" and I remembered the whole shaving thing. 

At least I provided hours of entertainment for my co-workers! I should have charged admission for the half-shaven freak show! Plus, no one noticed that my socks didn't match my pants!

Life is good!